You Are Not Your Emotions: How to Feel Without Drowning
By Dr. Aerial Cetnar, Boulder, CO Therapist for Young Adults
If you've ever found yourself curled up in bed after a rough day, spiraling over a text you didn’t get back, or replaying a mistake on loop in your head — you’re not alone. Emotions can feel massive, overwhelming, and like they’re taking over your entire identity. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re deep in sadness, anxiety, anger, or shame.
Here’s the truth: your emotions are valid — but they do not define you.
A lot of us, especially if we didn’t grow up in homes that modeled emotional regulation, were never taught how to manage big feelings. That doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means you’re human. And it means you can learn new skills that make emotional waves feel less like tsunamis and more like something you can ride.
As a therapist in Boulder, CO who works with college students, young adults, and those navigating the messiness of life transitions, I use tools from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to help clients:
Understand the difference between “feeling” emotions and “becoming” emotions
Practice grounding and mindfulness to stay present when emotions hit
Develop emotional regulation skills (aka, not freaking out or shutting down)
Build self-compassion even in moments that feel messy, anxious, or full of shame
🧠 Try This: Name the Thought, Not the Identity
Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” try reframing it to:
“I’m noticing I’m having an anxious thought.”
This shift might seem small, but it creates space between you and your thoughts. You are not your emotions — you’re the one experiencing them. This is a core principle in ACT, and it can reduce overwhelm, increase your sense of control, and remind you that feelings come and go.
🛠️ Practical Tools for Riding Emotional Waves
Here are a few science-backed ways to stay afloat when emotions feel heavy:
1. The “STOP” Skill (from DBT):
S: Stop. Freeze — don’t act impulsively.
T: Take a breath. Slow down your nervous system.
O: Observe. What are you feeling? Thinking? What’s around you?
P: Proceed mindfully. Choose your next step intentionally.
2. Grounding Techniques That Actually Work:
5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.
Hold an ice cube or splash cold water on your face — intense sensory input can help regulate your nervous system.
Listen to your favorite chill playlist (think: indie, lo-fi, or ambient beats) to shift your emotional energy.
3. Self-Compassion Check-In (ACT-based):
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Can I offer myself some kindness in this moment?
What would I say to a friend who felt this way?
This kind of self-talk isn't cheesy — it's rewiring the way you relate to your emotions.
💬 You’re Not “Too Sensitive.” You’re Just Feeling Deeply.
Emotions aren’t the enemy. Suppressing them doesn’t make them go away — it just pushes them into your body in other ways (hello, tension headaches, insomnia, or irritability for no reason). Learning how to feel without drowning is a skill. And you can build it.
If you’re tired of feeling like your emotions are running the show — therapy can help. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, ADHD, relationship struggles, or just the general chaos of life in your 20s or 30s, you don’t have to do it alone. Feel free to reach out with any questions if you’re hoping to start therapy.